Positive Discipline
Creating Respectful Relationships in Homes and Schools
TM
Positive Discipline is a respectful approach to parenting and teaching that builds connection, responsibility, and self-discipline—without punishment.
What is Positive Discipline?
Developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen and based on the work of Adler and Dreikurs, Positive Discipline helps children grow into responsible, respectful, and resourceful community members. Rooted in connection and encouragement, it teaches essential life skills to kids—and the adults who guide them.
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The Positive Discipline Mistaken Goals Chart helps parents and educators see misbehavior as a child's misguided attempt to find belonging and significance, rather than defiance or disobedience.
The four mistaken goals are:
Undue Attention – The child seeks attention but in disruptive ways. Adults feel annoyed or irritated. The best response is to provide proactive, meaningful connection and encourage independence.
Misguided Power – The child craves control and autonomy. Adults feel challenged or powerless. Offering choices and setting firm but kind limits helps redirect this need.
Revenge – The child feels hurt and acts out to hurt others. Adults feel shocked or disappointed. The focus should be on validating emotions, modeling kindness, and repairing relationships.
Assumed Inadequacy – The child gives up, believing they are incapable. Adults feel helpless or discouraged. Encouragement, breaking tasks into small steps, and emphasizing effort over results help rebuild confidence.
