Positive Discipline
Creating Respectful Relationships in Homes and Schools
TM
Positive Discipline is a parenting and teaching approach that focuses on mutual respect, connection, and guidance rather than punishment. Rooted in the work of Dr. Jane Nelsen, it emphasizes teaching children valuable social and life skills such as responsibility, problem-solving, and cooperation. Instead of using rewards and punishments to control behavior, Positive Discipline encourages parents to understand the underlying reasons for misbehavior and respond with firmness and kindness simultaneously.
Through tools like family meetings, natural consequences, and encouragement, Positive Discipline helps children develop self-discipline and intrinsic motivation. It teaches parents how to set clear, consistent boundaries while fostering a strong relationship with their children. The goal is not just short-term compliance but raising capable, resilient, and respectful individuals who feel a sense of belonging and significance within their family and community.
What is Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline is a program developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen. It is based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs and designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. Positive Discipline teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults (including parents, teachers, childcare providers, youth workers, and others).
Recent research tells us that children are hardwired from birth to connect with others, and that children who feel a sense of connection to their community, family, and school are less likely to misbehave. To be successful, contributing members of their community, children must learn necessary social and life skills.
The Positive Discipline Mistaken Goals Chart helps parents and educators see misbehavior as a child's misguided attempt to find belonging and significance, rather than defiance or disobedience.
The four mistaken goals are:
Undue Attention – The child seeks attention but in disruptive ways. Adults feel annoyed or irritated. The best response is to provide proactive, meaningful connection and encourage independence.
Misguided Power – The child craves control and autonomy. Adults feel challenged or powerless. Offering choices and setting firm but kind limits helps redirect this need.
Revenge – The child feels hurt and acts out to hurt others. Adults feel shocked or disappointed. The focus should be on validating emotions, modeling kindness, and repairing relationships.
Assumed Inadequacy – The child gives up, believing they are incapable. Adults feel helpless or discouraged. Encouragement, breaking tasks into small steps, and emphasizing effort over results help rebuild confidence.
By recognizing these mistaken goals, adults can shift their approach from punishment to guidance, fostering long-term emotional growth and positive behavior.
